A year, 2012

1145pm 31/12/12
song: the last- all american rejects
title: a year, 2012

a post about the year,
first of all.. wishing everybody have a blast
and reaching home safely after celebration

new year thought?
well, nothing but of course health comes first so,
just hope everyone starts loving their life
get as healthy as possible
someone might thinks their life sucks
so then, they stop giving a damn about and start doing things that are so stubborn
that give a harm to themselves
well, there's always someone worse or even worst
have a look on those people who went through,
i have seen some or heard people who are so worse enough
that i think they should just give up on themselves
like, giving their life away
but they never even have a thought of it
well, sometimes when we're at our worse or even worst
first thing to start with is always a smile
with my self-thought, what i went through
were all much tougher among all my friends
but i never complain about them
sometimes seeing people around me complaint about what they have gone through
seriously such an annoy, i know i shouldn't been saying all these
all i want to reveal is that the world has changed so much
i'm always missing my life like two years ago o more
those life were pure, couldn't agree more while comparing to days now


2012, well..
i'm 21 years old,
good or bad, all in
learnt such a lot of things
and had much of mistake as well
but most of the learnings, were from the mistakes

in this reality world,
to me, that people are always going for a better
there will never be a perfect thing in the world or sufficient
if one doesn't improve for a better tomorrow
there will be a risk of not having what you have today on tomorrow

hard work versus luck
luck, if you're born with luck
well, great but you'll never get a chance to experience what is appreciation about
which leads never a chance of feeling the wonderful things in the world
as they get what they want
but people like me, born without luck
we've got to work so much harder
to earn ourself a wealthy wallet
and to possibly get what we wanted for a long time, to me, a partner

i always believe,
god are just being too fucking fair
even though you think it wasn't
but in fact, it is
things that not supposed to happen
it happens, that ass feeling
no matter what, we can only live with it
the only thing can be done is to think positive..

two years of time uh
i had given up
but then, i had also given in again
tired of being stuck with this routine
i wish god just letting me know who's the angel in my life..

sometimes..
my life, i feel like i'm a joker
just being born to make others happy
while inside me, no one would understand
but what to do, words will never get a solution
living with the flow is the only choice
life is like born to find myself, who i really am
i can't even identify myself
but there's only a word could describe it all
a failure

12:41am
01/01/2013
song: 爱 入 非 非- 罗 志 祥


song of the year: superman can't fly- jay chou. because of this song, the reason why i'm still here. since the biggest crisis of my life happened where it started from february, the worst result ever. the guilt or the emotional in me, totally unable to describe. there isn't anything to be happy about after the impact, even there's something really funny i couldn't even have a laugh as i'm so not deserved to be in the world, its just a waste of time of being/living here and i'm only a son of four sons, what i feel was it doesn't matter on my existence.. until then, i found this song and which enable me to find myself back a little. a crisis that changed who i was, yet i'm still unrecoverable now. that impact.. was so damn much...

best moment of the year: all alcoholic nights, nothing to be happy about but to self-comfort
worst moment: graduation, i don't get it #exactly

there's just too much of stuffs in me remain inside, but i know i'm not the only one. everyone has their so called or thought, 'undesirable thing' happened. you think you don't deserve them but everything has at least a reason to prove it meant to happen, and somehow we'll never get the answer. the world is just fair enough until you're so not believing and giving so much of complain everyday. be a better today, gain a little goods for tomorrow, future or even in another life. god knew and you, yourself

the last semester

16/6/2012 9:53pm

the last semester

without noticing, i have been studied here 2 whole years already

i'm no longer feeling new and fresh to the environment here

but, i'd like to be in that new and fresh environment if i still could

the first year of studying here was so awesome

as there's a lot of things were very new to me

in a week of time, i went to the futsal court alone

and then i played although it was a lost game that losing so many goals but i enjoyed much 

because i get to know some friends and that, that was so special

which they're working at the canteen of my college, TAR college

i, as a gemini i can easily communicate with people *self-thought*

one of them is from Indonesia called fadrid, mehsi, arief or bodoh! hahahax

he's my bestfriend, same age as me but way so short than me

after a football match *quick shot*

the proper picture, hahhahaha at our age 19 that time

the laughing moment when i asked him to let me take a proper picture

me, at the futsal court with his Liverpool's jersey, hahaha great moment

food from canteen, since i know them they always gave me special more food hahahahha and by the way this considered as little

and others are from Myanmar. My life here isn't that wonderful but i feel good with it and a good experience tho

for the very first month of staying in the hostel,

i got no computer while i only have phone

so i passed my nights by singing songs and even got complained by the neighbour

i met my first roommate in after a week passed

he was a senior and every night when if he was around

we went to cc to play dota

i think i should continue all these right after i finished my semester

should really go to my main objective of the topic

well, the last oh semester..

maybe it's my last semester of my study for my entire life

due to all these failures i had in this college,

i feel that i should stop wasting my time and money on study

because i am so no good on it

however, the college team..

the coach told me why not staying for future study

that moment i feel so sad but also happy

its like Manchester United football club extending my contract on the club

but i, i'm so powerless as i failed so many subjects which caused me unable to graduate this year

talk about graduation

right after a year of studying here,

i have finally found a purpose

which is to graduate with my classmates, group 23

that fucking awesome moment is when

we all wear the harry potter costume and throw the hat

unfortunately, all the dreams had been sunk down by semester 5

which i failed 6 subjects out of 7 i had for that semester

because of that, semester 6 i was extremely emotional

i smoked, like very often and ignoring everyone in social networking

because i found that i have no reason to put a smile or to be happy 

even there's something really funny or should be happy about

i felt so hopeless, guilt, misery, lifeless.... 

but what to do? life's goes on...

my classmates...

they are good, everyone of them.. i love them...

all the time we had, i wish i will never forget

we had trips, we had parties and even we had alcohol~

it doesn't matter whether they're black or white, i like to being with them

but i always racist abusing them in a way of fun

i don't really meant it, they knew it so hahahahhaha gotcha xPPP 

the last semester started

we, all the guys in my class..

we are all so special, we are like family...

of TOGETHERALONE

that together moment is when we all together hanged up with polo-tee on 14 feb of 2012

hahahahhahaha that was actually super fun

by the way, we're all single

so, in the last semester we all actually know its our last

and also knowing after the semester ended..

we'll be very seldom seeing each other or will never meet again

we know because of we experienced it before just like in our secondary school

but this is more worse as we're all from other states i mean, some..

its already week 8

its like 6 weeks left for us,

we all have a sense that i called it as 'inside feeling'

do without asking or telling

like we go to our so-called 'library'

this library needs to pay entrance fees that costs 5rm

ok, its actually means cyber cafe

a lot of things,

we all just do it, naturally.. suddenly... 

its like... knowing we soon not gonna doing these anymore...

lastly, its about myself..

its the last semester, and i.. i feel like i'm already gave up on my study

so far all the weeks i passed like wasting my time

i went to lecture to listen songs or sleep

to tutorial class to waste my time

and even tests.. i don't even wanna study..

i can't change all these attitudes

because of all the failures i had previous,

that force, hit me bad and i'm so down

like in a deep sea can't get up or away...

i know this sounds really stupid

cause i'm so hopeless... 

i can now only wish to spend my last semester well to create memorable stuffs for me to remember with the life i'm having here...

especially with my classmates

i'll miss them very very very much...

we all soon will separate.. 

we all know, so i wish all the time we had we treasured it well

and hopefully, we all will have lots of gathering meeting each other

and also all with good health and then we all will visit each other in our own home with our own family.

SOMEDAY

its 17/6/2012 1:12am

HAPPY FATHER's DAY, DAD...